How to NOT have etiquette

Etiquette.. or common sense?

Hello everyone … I hope you are all having a wonderful day today

The other day I was reading an article about how a young actress’s interview with a famous magazine was filled to the brim with cursing and swearing. The author of the article noted the extreme difference between her pretty appearance, and her not so pretty mouth. And to my amazement I found out that she was actually proud of herself claiming that she was “real” and “unedited” and saying she does not care what people thought of her. It really got me thinking about how rude people have become, and how some of them actually flaunt it as if it were a virtue to be proud of…. So, in order to keep with the times, I have put together 10 golden rules that you will need to NOT have etiquette… I mean, who needs those stuffy prude rules anyway...so uncool and dated.

My 10 golden rules to NOT have etiquette:

Rule #1:  Never EVER say “please” or “thank you”  that would make you sound like a sissy, instead say “DO IT NOW!!” and “ It’s about time!”

Rule #2:  Curse every 2-3 words. Not only does this show your superior command of the language, but it also proves how cool and badass you are.

Rule #3: 

The louder the better

 Talk on your cellphone as LOUD as you can, because since you are a very important person everyone is just dying to know how that jerk cheated on you with his #$%@ assistant, or how you are going to kick that &*^%’s derriere for talking about you behind your back. Yes, we couldn’t continue our day if we didn’t know. [Optional: put your phone on loud speaker so we can hear both sides of the story]

Rule #4:  When at a store, walk straight to the cash counter, pay and leave. Line? What line? Everyone knows you are far more important than all those suckers standing in line. I mean. HELLO! You actually have a life. [Tip: If any one of those sorry souls dares complain give them a dirty look and say: “Do you know who I am?”]

Rule #5:  See someone going to park in a good spot? QUICK!! Cut in and park in their place first. [Optional: open your window and yell “SUCKER!” as you do this]

Rule #6: Always ALWAYS keep a “bitch” look on your face. You can never EVER be seen smiling in public, just pretend you have water in your mouth that would spill if you dare smile. The look you are going for is a cross between “I will murder you if you try to speak to me” and “how dare you gaze upon me filthy slave?” Isn’t that a chic, sexy and mysterious look… 

This should give you an idea of how it should look like

Rule #7:  Chew as loudly as you can, the louder the better. It only shows people how much you’re enjoying your food, and what brings joy to people more than seeing someone else having fun? Also, speak while the food is still in your mouth, so what if is splatters around? They should be grateful you are sharing your yummy food.

Rule #8:  Brushing your teeth… What’s the point? Deodorant…Who needs it? Shaving? That’s for bimbos… you like to keep things au natural.

Rule #9:  Gossip!! It is the only way to show how powerful and All-knowing you are. It also emphasizes how sensitive and classy you are because instead of saying those bad things in front of her you say them when she’s not there so you don’t hurt her feelings…

Rule #10:  Interrupt the person you are talking to as frequently as possible. Of course, as we all know, what you have to say is WAY more important than anything they have to tell you. How silly of them to even try….

So here they are your 10 golden rules to NOT have etiquette. If you follow these rules religiously I guarantee that everyone around you will hate love and adore you and you will gain respect and success… hey, you’re just being “real”

[Warning! Rock and lace is not responsible for any bruises, scratches, cuts, burns, stab wounds, gunshot wounds or broken bones you may sustain as a result of above mentioned behaviors. We are also not responsible for any death threats, restraining orders you may receive in response to said actions. We are also not responsible for getting you out if you are taken to a mental institution and/or jail… thank you!]

Hope you all enjoyed this article

Lots of love

Xoxo

Rue