Never lose yourself for other people. How many times have you heard that huh? But have you ever really thought about it? You know how sometimes you might know something but start to
realize it after a while? Well, this is what happened to me. I always knew that one should not change who they are just to impress people but I never really realized it until recently. You see, a few years ago, that's exactly what I was doing, and as the years went by I managed to escape my vicious cycle of self-degradation, But I guess the concept just lingered in my subconscious and never really sunk in, until recently........
 |
| Source: http://goo.gl/fy4us |
You see, these last couple of months I have been watching other people in my life changing who they are to get people to like them, and there is nothing I can do about it. But it kinda gives you a new perspective on things where you think to yourself : "Is that what I looked like? " and then you see the point you've been missing all along.
I'm not writing this post to preach to you or tell you that I am all wise and knowing. I am writing this post to let you know that most of us have been there, and it's OK. It's never too late to bounce back, and to warn those of you who have been fortunate enough not to fall in this trap to NOT fall into it.
My bottom line is:
Never change who you are to get that perfect guy/ friend / job.
Now let me elaborate... Think about it for a second, if this guy is
perfect. He is everything you ever wanted and more, but in order to get him you have to be someone else, then maybe this guy isn't so perfect after all. How can he be the perfect guy for you when he doesn't even like YOU?!
The same goes for that awesome friend who loves you and supports you, oh but wait! , she/he is NOT loving you or supporting you, they are loving and supporting the person you are pretending to be. And guess who that is? NOT YOU!!!!
That dream job that requires you to give up your beliefs and settle for a different moral code is more of a nightmare than a dream.... You see the problem with the above examples is that once you give up yourself to get something/someone, you will never really be happy even if you get them. You will end up living in a big play where you are the only one who is acting in it. The years pass by, and one day you wonder why after getting everything you ever wanted you are still unfulfilled. Well, simply because you got what you never really got what you wanted. Sure, it looks like you have everything but that's as far as it goes.. LOOKS.
Warning!!!
Before I get run away by myself I would like to state that "being yourself" is absolutely NO excuse to egotistically sit there making excuses for your mistakes and not taking responsibility for them just saying: "I am who I am.. take or leave it" . That is just selfish and weak and it masks an inability to take responsibility for one's actions.
There is nothing wrong with trying to become a better person than you were yesterday. That is actually admirable and everyone should be encouraged to do so for their own happiness and well-being. The REAL problem is when someone starts changing who they are, what they believe in, their dreams, likes, opinions...etc. only to IMPRESS someone or get something.
I think you can see the difference here.......
So you may ask me now, well that's all great in theory but how can I apply that to my life?I'm glad you asked....
First of all - and this is a very important step - you need to know that you
cannot please everyone, and not everyone will like you, and
IT'S OK. You don't
need to please everyone and you don't
need everyone to like you in order to be happy. The only person you need is YOU. If you please yourself ( again not in an egotistical selfish way, see warning ) and you like yourself, only then will you be able to be truly happy. You are your greatest asset, and you are the most valuable thing you own. Don't devalue yourself for something that is not worth it.
Second. you need to be able to differentiate between things that are worth your time and effort, and things that just
look like it. A rule of thumb here is to always ask yourself, does this thing make me feel drained/uncomfortable/stressed/trapped? Guess what, chances are you are doing something for the wrong reasons. Again, this is NO EXCUSE to be lazy. You know what I'm talking about. When you are doing things for the right reasons, you may get tired or stressed ( hello exams ) but it will always FEEL right, because it's what you want and you are willing to put in an effort to get it. But when it's for the wrong reasons you will always end up with a broken heart and nothing to get from it.
Third, get to know yourself more. It's a sad fact that many people go about their lives without really knowing themselves, and trust me it has devastating effects. You need to be your own best friend because when you have no one else to support you, you need to be able to support yourself.
[ for more on this point
click here ]
Fourth, Learn the value of
RESPECT. A lot of women unfortunately overlook this very important and vital part of our relationships, which is respect. Love without respect is just infatuation, friendship without respect is just mutual interest, an employee without respect is just an unofficial slave. I can go on but you get the point. We need respect in order to get what we want and deserve in life. And respect is NOT a given it's something that you
earn. So that woman who runs around desperately clinging to every guy she meets and lowering her own value by pausing her entire life just to please him and wait on him hand and foot will never earn his respect, the respect she deserves.
So learn to respect yourself, and act like it and you will find yourself compelling other people to respect you as well.
Fifth, don't take life too seriously. It's all gonna pass....
And remember, if you change yourself to impress the people who will like someone else you are missing out on the people who will actually LOVE you......
Stay happy
Rue
Posts
