5 tips to be a better conversationalist

Lately I have found myself being put into a lot of social situations where I have to not only start a conversation, but also keep it going for some duration. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not like I have just crawled from under the rock I have been living under and suddenly discovered the wonder that is the art of  social interactions ( well, sort of, but not really. not my point ). The mere fact that I have freshly graduated from college means that I have been jet thrust out of my comfort zone ( my home and sanctuary for the last three years ) into a brand new world with more people of higher diversity, and a high demand for something to say.

To be honest, I started out kind of rusty, but with some time and a tiny bit of effort, I think I have become fairly able to navigate most situations I am put in and have good conversations with many types of people. This isn't a post about the importance of being a good conversationalist, or the benefits that come from having that talent. If I start harping on that I will never shut up, so I will defer that post for another day. Now let me share with you some pieces of wisdom that I have learned recently and have helped me tremendously. Something worth noting here is that I am not giving you quick and easy fixes that would have you snap your fingers into a great conversation. It isn't in my power to do so, but if you know someone who can let me know :) These are tips to make you inherently more engaging, and let you have something worthwhile to say in different situations. Therefore, naturally the results will show up with consistency and time. You were warned.

Now here are my tips *drum roll* :

1) Listen:

le gasp!! Here I am going on and on about how to be better at essentially "talking", and my first tip is to shut up and listen?!! Well, yes. The first important skill that most good conversationalists have is the ability to listen. And I am not talking about just staying silent as the other person talks while diabolically planning a clever response ( I so got you! ). I am talking about actually hearing out the person in front of you, thinking about what they are saying and, dare I say?, empathizing with them, or at the very least sympathizing. Nobody wants to talk to someone with a blank stare who is too busy thinking about what they are about to say. In short, active listening makes you present. And people love talking to someone who is present. It makes them feel valuable, and who doesn't like that? :)

2) Coversation is a two-way street. Respond!

So you have listened with all the attention and empathy in the world. That's great! Congratulations!, but aren't you forgetting something? 

The person talking to you will probably require a response to what they have been rambling about, right? And since people are not mind readers, they will not know that you have been listening, or what your opinions are unless you actually tell them what they are. Be active, have something to say and respond to people. If you have nothing to add, just move on to a different topic, or ask questions.

3) It's all about them:

I don't know if you have noticed, but people love to talk about themselves, and they love people who hear them talk about themselves. So ask questions, get to know people. Most people have a story to tell and there are many lessons to be learned from them. On top of all that, people will appreciate your interest and you will be perceived as pretty interesting yourself.

A small rule that I think we should implement in our lives:

  " The universe doesn't revolve around you. You revolve around the universe"

4) Get out of your head:

A common mistake by people trying to have a good conversation/become interesting is that they get too stuck in their own head and what they should/shouldn't be doing. Remember, great conversations_ like a lot of good things in life _ are usually spontaneous. They come naturally and effortlessly, without a rigid plan set in motion to get there. So let loose, live in the moment , and just enjoy being with the person(s) you are talking to. If you are stiff and rigid, things won't be fun for you or anyone else. Don't be a downer! And remember, nothing is worth doing that isn't fun in one way or another. 

5) Have a good knowledge of things (proceed with caution)

Whether it's the latest beauty tips or the workings of quantum mechanics, it's good to have a good supply of general knowledge about a variety of topics, with more depth in the things that truly interest you. This will let you adapt to various situations and gives you the ability to talk to all kinds of people with all kinds of interests and backgrounds. It also gives you interesting conversation starters and ice breakers, while generally assisting you in avoiding some embarrassing social blunders. But I must warn you, do not take this step too far or you may accidentally end up being the annoying "know-it-all". It is impossible for one person to know everything that is to know. Embrace that. And if giving a small fact is a good conversation starter, asking someone who knows more than you about something you don't know very much about, is just as great :)

And with that I will conclude my list of tips. I hope you have enjoyed my little snapshot of infinite wisdom, and if you have any comments on these tips or any of your own, please share your infinite wisdom with me :) And remember life is too short to be taken too seriously. Take care and have fun....

Rue